Friday, September 9, 2011

Good Golly Miss Molly

I have a story but I would not do it justice by telling it myself.
I'm going to let Beaux and his friends narrate it.

First, let me divulge a little information.

Mr. Z and I give dogs 'voices' and personalities.

You guys may know a little about Beaux's.
Beaux: 2 year old dachshund. A city dog trying to make it in the country, who speaks with a high pitched voice and a lisp. And slightly flamboyant.
Oh, and he thinks Poochy is 'AWESTHOME'.

Poochy: 8 year old dachshund. A no-nonsense country dog who speaks with a gruff raspy voice. He is believed to be a war veteran and has little patience for sissies. He now has 'the sciatica' and that slows him down a little, but he is still as rough and tough as he ever was.

Poochy says things like: "Oh, ya know my sciatica's been actin' up. So they decided to take me to see ol' Bobby. (Bobby is the veterinarian) Ya know I don't like to ride, but I had to go. He gave me a shot in my hip and I'm able to get around a little better. Yeah, I hate to go see any doctor, but I guess Bobby is alright. But ya know, he says he's a vet, but I don't believe he ever fought in any war."

Molly: 2 year old basset hound. A southern belle who talks with a southern drawl. She also thinks highly of her curvatous body.  She also knows how to bat her big droopy eyes to get her way.
Her favorite movie is Gone with the Wind and her favorite TV character is Blanche Devereaux.

She has been known to say things like: "Ohhh, Sugar! It's been mighty haut taday. I just might have to cool off with a little sweet tea and a dip in tha pool."

[Maggie is a 3 year old dog my little brother found at the dump. All in all she is probably the best dog on the place, but I haven't come up with a voice for her yet. I'm working on it]

The Story

OK, you guysth.
Stho... we went walking over to Mawmaw Connie's today to go say hi and chasthe the chickensth.  When we got there she wasth trying to put sthome stuff on the back of all the other dogsth necksth. I was stho curious. But Mawmaw Connie, was like 'No, Beaux, you can't lick that, it's flea medicine". And I was like, 'OK, whatever. I'll just go chasthe the chickensth.' Then she called Molly and called Molly, but Molly was no where to be found. That's not unusual. She likes to 'loaf' as Mawmaw Connie says. Well, we hung out and visited for a while and I ate Poochy's food. He has the best food. Poochy is stho awesthome.
Anyway, it was about time to go home.  When we started down the road Poochy was looking for something. So, I started looking to. Then he stuck is nose in the culvert and Maggie did too. So of course I had to too. But what did I find? Molly. She was just chillin. I was like 'Come on, Molly' and she said 'Oh, you little slim jim, come help me out. I fear I'm about to swoon. I'm afraid I am stuck in this thing. It must have shrunk.'
Poochy said 'Ah come on, Molly. I've been in tighter trenches than that. Come on Beaux, I think I caught a scent'

Well, we had to tell Mawmaw Connie. She and Pawpaw Allen came out and this is what they found.

I tried to tell her to just back up and come out the other end, but she said 'These God given hips won't let me, Honey. I swear this thing must have shrunk'

Stho, Pawpaw Allen cranked up the big yellow tractor. I'm not sure what he was going to do, but he sthaid sthomething about a chain.
Then Mawmaw Connie said to get a Jack. The only Jack I know is Pawpaw Jack from the other family. Ya know, the one with the sthwimming pool. I'm not sure what he was going to do. Anyway, they got this red cranking thing that bent the edges of the culvert up. 
Then she was able to squeeze her way out.

Then she was gone.
She was going on and on about 'My heavens!'and 'Good Gracious Alive!'

She said something about if felt like she had been wearing sthpanx made of iron or sthomething like that.

Just to be sthafe I checked to make sure everything was ok back there.

Yes, this is what we do.
I apologize.


  1. Love, love, LOVE the "sthpanx made of iron" part! lol (so weird, my sister's dog talks with a lisp too!)

  2. Awww, that was so good. You're the best story teller. Miss hearig Beaux's 'voice'.